Overcoming Pornography May Require New Accountability
Learning to Thrive Beyond Pornography use was the greatest challenge of our life and marriage. It had rocked my self confidence, tainted all of the most important experiences of my life and become the most impossible challenge I had as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
With this podcast or at https://www.zachspafford.com you'll learn about the struggle, how to overcome pornography use, and where to find additional resources to begin to thrive beyond pornography with your spouse.
At some point I took a step away from all the 12 step meetings and councilors and started to figure out my own brain, to look at my issue as something that I had the answer to and I was going to figure it out. Here I share those lessons and give you the power to start your own journey free. Whether you struggle with unwanted pornography use or are the spouse or partner, whether you feel stuck or just don't know where to start, here I will teach you principles, tools and skills that you can use today to change how you think and, in the end, what you do.
You'll hear interviews with my spouse, with experts on human sexuality and with former and current pornography users on how you can overcome your own struggle with addictive behavior.
The Thrive Beyond Pornography podcast will bring new perspective to your struggle and keep you coming back to improve all aspects of your life. (formerly, The Self Mastery Podcast: Overcome Pornography Forever)
Transcript
Episode 31 - Overcoming Pornography May Require New Accountability
In this week's Beautiful Mastery Monday episode, I want to talk about the concept of accountability. Now, some might say, "Enjoy accountability" or "Accountability is amazing," but I understand that many of you might not be thrilled about the idea of being accountable for everything in your life. However, let me show you why choosing accountability is better than avoiding it, and then you can decide for yourself.
Being accountable for our experiences, struggles, and actions gives us more choices and power in our lives. This is about ownership, not in a negative way, but in a way that empowers us to create the life we desire. Instead of blaming ourselves for shortcomings, we must accept what is and understand why it's there. Accountability enables us to leverage these experiences to become the person we want to be.
It's important to avoid judging ourselves for the things we are accountable for, as judgment leads to deflection and blame. Deflecting responsibility robs us of the opportunity to make positive changes in our lives. Instead, we can be accountable without judgment by removing phrases like "should" and "shouldn't" from our vocabulary. Embrace the fact that nobody is perfect and mistakes are a natural part of life.
So, let's explore the three areas where accountability is crucial: thoughts, feelings, and actions. These are the areas we have control over in our lives. For instance, many clients come to me with either the challenge of not being able to stop doing something or not being able to start doing something. The root cause of these challenges is often linked to emotions.
Emotions create action. Identifying our emotions before taking action allows us to understand why we do what we do. We often use actions like overeating, using pornography, or procrastinating to cope with underlying emotions such as sadness, loneliness, or anxiety. By recognizing and owning these emotions without judgment, we gain insight into the reasons driving our actions.
We must also acknowledge that our feelings are not caused by external factors but rather our thoughts about those factors. Taking accountability for our feelings enables us to choose how we want to feel, rather than being at the mercy of external circumstances or other people's actions.
Lastly, our thoughts play a significant role in shaping our feelings and actions. The thoughts we believe to be true, even if they aren't serving us well, can hold us back. Recognizing that our thoughts are optional allows us to consciously choose empowering thoughts that align with the results we want to achieve in life.
Understanding this concept of accountability and its three components empowers us to create positive change and take charge of our lives. It's essential to show compassion for ourselves, observe our minds like a neutral narrator, and embrace accountability without judgment.
Remember, you can't control other people's feelings, nor are their feelings your responsibility. Let them own their emotions, while you approach them with kindness and compassion. Taking accountability for your thoughts, feelings, and actions will lead you towards greater self-mastery and a more fulfilling life.
Thank you for joining me for this episode. If you're interested in more tools and solutions for overcoming urges, sign up for my free webinar at zachspafford.com/freecall. I appreciate your support, and if you enjoy the podcast, leaving a review on your favorite platform will help others find it too. Until next time, keep striving for self-mastery!
