Is this going to help me end my porn struggle?

When I meet with a client for the first time during one of my free consults, I often hear this question asked in a variety of ways.  

“Is this going to help me eliminate my pornography struggle?“

What they are usually looking for is a confirmation that the work I do with people is going to be the very last thing they need to solve their pornography struggle. 

My standard answer is, “I don’t know if this is the last thing you need to know or just the next thing that you need to know. But everyone who struggles needs to know what I teach.”

So, let me tell you guys what I do that helps people solve their pornography struggle in a way that sets them up for success. 

I want to start by saying that if you keep working at it, you aren’t failing, you are succeeding. 

The process I teach is a simple one that uses the techniques I’ve learned from the life coach school and the CTFAR model that was developed by Booke Castillo and Acceptance and Commitment Coaching developed by Steven C. Hayes

Within those two systems, I help people learn how to solve for pornography with a variety of skills that I teach in three different settings.  The three coaching settings that I have right now starts with individual coaching, where you and I work together for about 6 months and we focus on your individual needs.  I teach and coach you alone during 12, 30-minute sessions.  This gives us a thread of work to follow and a lot of people see their best work happen during these sessions.  

The second way that I get people moving in the right direction, is with my coaching membership.  The coaching membership includes 4 open coaching calls each month, 2 for men and 2 for women. This usually breaks down along the lines of people struggling with Pornography and their wives, but that is not always the case.  There are a number of women who participate in the women’s calls that also struggle with pornography.  In this setting, I coach along with Darcy on the women’s calls and we help those who volunteer to be coached to get a different perspective on where they are and how they can move forward.  

The third way I help people is, once a year, I set up a group coaching program.  If you’re a part of my mailing list, you will have gotten a coupon code to join that for 55% off this year.  In the group coaching program, we get together weekly and coach just those in the group.  Many of whom go on to be highly successful in their path away from their pornography struggle. 

If you want to learn more about how each of those work, feel free to set up a consult with me by going to zachspafford.com/workwithme. 

Or you can just email me at info@zachspafford.com

So the next thing that you’ll want to know is, what do I teach.  

A lot of the things I teach are things I teach on this podcast.  

There are also some that I don’t teach on the podcast.  

That said, one of the main things that I teach is to become aware of the thoughts and feelings that are going on for you.  I teach you how to become more aware and how to use that awareness to improve your ability to make the decisions that you want. 

I also teach you some really important things that your brain is doing, like, the motivational triad, confirmation bias, and feeling good in ambiguity among other things.  

These simple things that your brain does automatically, are part of the reason that pornography has such a powerful draw.  Understanding how they work and what they do in your life that is helpful and not helpful is an ally in the process of retraining your responses to improve your outcomes when it comes to pornography.

Being aware and understanding how your brain works give you a base to start from. 

Add that to skills designed specifically to deal with urges, thoughts, and feelings will give you a compelling way to eliminate pornography. 

When urges, thoughts and feelings arise, there are three really important skills I teach. 

First, allowing without needing to intervene.  Many of us believe that we have to do something when our brian offers us an idea that is contrary to our moral compass.  We’ve even been taught to forcibly, “change what’s on the stage”.  This technique helps us recognize that if we went around jumping at every shadow that crossed our path, we’d be miserable.  Many of you listening have been miserable because of that very thing.  

Another that i teach is being present with where you are in life.  Many of us fail to go through the difficult parts of life because we would rather pretend it isn’t there and avoid it. Learning to deal with those difficulties helps individuals become more successful at not turning to the behaviors that they have used in the past to avoid those unpleasant feelings and moments. 

I’ll give you two more. 

This next one might surprise you.  Especially as members of the church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints.  I love to help people engage with and become more familiar with their top priorities and values.  

I often ask my clients, “what are your top five priorities in life?”

It is very rare that any of them see themselves as a top priority.  They will often list off their family, their work, their church responsibilities.  These are all amazing, and appropriate priorities for us to have.  

But the one they fail to mention, themselves, is often the one that is being neglected.  In neglecting to take care of themselves and make their happiness a priority, they shortchange the other four.  

Last one, being kind.  I’ll talk about this one in my next podcast more in-depth.  But for now, I’ll just tell you that being kind to yourself is essential to making this struggle a thing of the past.  

I realize this isn’t a deep dive into what I do, but it is a significant part of the process.  

I’ve done a number of interviews with clients since I began this podcast, you can go back and get a more in-depth understanding of what their experience was and how you might see yourself through the conversation that I have with them. 

Each of the things I teach and coach on is going to help you. 

One of them might be the magic that unlocks the change you’ve been wanting. 

But more than anything, I hope you understand that the success you get from the work is in not giving up and choosing to have hope.  You guys are amazing.