The Observer Effect: Transforming Habits Through Mindful Awareness

video: 173882

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Zach Spafford: [: 00:00:00

Now, if you've ever taken a physics class, or even if you haven't, uh, I was not much of a physics guy, you might have heard of this idea. In simple terms, The observer effect suggests that the mere act of observing something can change what's being observed, or change the behavior of the thing that's being observed.

Zach Spafford: This is often talked about in the context of particles and experiments, but today we're going to explore how this idea can transform your life. You see, the observer effect isn't just something that happens in a lab, it's also at play in our minds and the behaviors that we engage in every single day.

When you start observing your thoughts, emotions, and actions without immediately jumping in to fix or judge them, they actually begin to change all on their own.

This is especially powerful when it comes to overcoming unwanted habits like pornography use. One of the reasons habits are so hard to break is that we often react to them with judgment, shame, and even a sense of urgency to fix them.

But what if instead of trying to control or suppress these habits, we simply started to observe them? What if we could create a bit of space between what we're experiencing and how we react to it? In today's episode, we're going to talk about why observation is so powerful and how it connects to living a values based life instead of a goals based one.

And most importantly, how you can start using this practice to create real, lasting change in your life.

So grab a notebook, if you can settle in and let's explore how the simple act of watching your own mind can be a game changer.

All right, let's get into it. Now that we've got a basic idea of the observer effect. Let's talk about how it can actually help you change your life, especially when it comes to overcoming unwanted habits like pornography use.

So, in physics, the observer effect i s all about how simply watching something can change it. This is the same effect that happens in our minds when we start practicing self observation.

This means noticing your thoughts, emotions, and urges as they come up without immediately reacting to them.

It's about creating a little bit of distance between you and what you're experiencing, almost like stepping back to watch a movie, instead of getting pulled in to every single scene.

Zach Spafford: Now, if you've ever tried to change a habit, you probably know how hard it can be to not react right away.

So let's say you get hit with an urge to look at pornography. In that moment, most people do one of two things. Either they give in to that urge or they fight against it with a lot of judgment and shame. Neither of those responses actually help in the long run. In fact, giving in reinforces the habit and fighting against it often leads to a cycle of shame, which creates more unwanted behavior as we seek to escape that shame, which reinforces the habit.

Zach Spafford: There's actually a third option observation without judgment. And one of the Best ways to practice this is with a technique. I teach to all my clients called nab notice allow breathe So let's talk about that notice.

The first step is to notice what's happening This means acknowledging the urge without labeling it as either good or bad and for example, you might say to yourself I'm noticing that I'm having an urge to look at pornography right now. There's no judgment. There's just recognition here. You're just naming what is.

Step two, allow. The second step is to allow that urge to exist without trying to push it away. This can be tough because our first instinct is usually to suppress or resist the uncomfortable feelings.

But, allowing isn't the same as giving in. It's about saying, yeah, this, uh, this urge is here, and it's okay for it to be here, and I don't have to do anything about it.

Step number three, breathe. When we breathe, we're taking slow, deep breaths, and that helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system.

This then calms us down and makes it easier to respond instead of react. You might try a simple technique like box breathing, which is one of my favorites. You inhale for four counts, you hold that for four counts, you exhale for four counts, and then you hold that again for four counts.

And this process of noticing, allowing and breathing creates a kind of pause, a space where you could be kind to yourself and you can choose how to respond based on your values instead of just reacting to your impulses.

So let me share a quick story to illustrate this. A while back I worked with a client, let's call him Mark, who struggled with urges to look at pornography, especially when he was stressed. And his usual response was either to give in quickly or fight with it all day until he eventually gave in, which as you can imagine was exhausting.

method, and at first, he was [: 00:05:00

Instead of reacting right away, he paused and went through the NAB steps. He noticed the urge, he allowed it to be there without any judgment, without beating himself up for it existing. And then he took some deep, calming breaths. By the time he was done, he found that the urgency of that particular feeling had actually just lessened all by itself.

He didn't do anything for it. And that pause was just enough for him to choose to start his car and head home instead of turning to his old habit of doom scrolling in the parking lot until he watched porn.

Over time, this practice of observing urges rather than reacting automatically helped Mark rewire his responses.

It wasn't a quick fix, but it was a powerful way to break that automatic cycle of trigger reaction, trigger reaction. This is This is why the observer effect is so powerful in personal growth. The simple act of noticing your thoughts and urges without judgment can start to change how you respond to them.

It helps you step back, see what's really going on, and make decisions that align with your values instead of your impulses. So if you're listening right now and you've been caught in that cycle of react, regret, repeat. React. Regret. Repeat. Try this out. Next time an urge hits, practice, next time an urge hits, practice NAB.

Notice what's happening, allow it to exist, and then breathe through it.

In the next part of this episode, we're going to talk about why observation without judgment is so crucial and how judgment actually gets in the way of making real lasting change.

So now that we've talked about the power of observation and the nab method notice allow and breathe.

I want to dig a little deeper into a really important distinction. Observation versus judgment. Understanding the difference between these two can be a game changer when it comes to breaking unwanted habits like pornography use. So let's start by defining our terms.

Observation is all about noticing what's happening without adding any labels to it. It's saying, "I'm feeling an urge right now." Or, "I'm noticing that I'm anxious." And just leaving it at that. It's neutral. It's almost like you're a scientist taking notes on what you're seeing under a microscope.

Judgment, on the other hand, is when we start labeling What we notice as good or bad, right or wrong, strong or weak. For example, instead of noticing an urge, you might catch yourself thinking, I can't believe I'm doing this again. I can't believe I'm feeling this way again. What's wrong with me, or I should be better than this by now.

Now, why does this difference matter? Because judgment creates a cycle of shame and avoidance that makes it way harder to change. So let's unpack why that happens.

When we judge ourselves harshly, we trigger feelings of shame. And shame is one of the most paralyzing emotions there is. It tells us not just that we did something bad, but that we are bad.

When you're in that headspace, your brain's natural response is to avoid. Avoid the feelings, avoid the situation, avoid even thinking about what happened.

This is why so many of my clients, when I asked them, "well, what happened?" As you went through this process of choosing pornography, they literally will tell me, I can't tell you how many times I've heard this. They will literally say to me, I don't know because they're avoiding even thinking about what happened.

This is what keeps so many people stuck in the loop of unwanted pornography use. We feel an urge. We judge ourselves for it. And we feel. Deeply ashamed. And then instead of dealing with it, we turn to the habit and we're trying to quit the thing that we are so ashamed of to escape the shame that we've just created.

It's a trap.

Let me give you a quick example to illustrate this. Imagine someone We'll call him Tom, who struggles with viewing pornography. When an urge hit, Tom's first thought is, Ugh, I can't believe I'm still dealing with this. I must be so weak. And by the way, some of you have heard that from your spouses, or from your bishops, or from your church leaders.

That judgment makes Tom feel deeply ashamed. And in that state of shame, his brain desperately wants to escape those feelings, often by doing the very thing that caused the shame in the first place. So Tom ends up turning to pornography to try to numb the guilt, which only restarts that cycle. Does that sound familiar to anybody?

This is what I call the shame spiral. It's like trying to climb out of a hole by digging deeper.

But when you shift from judgment to observation, everything changes.

So let's go back to Tom for a second. What if instead of saying, I'm so weak, Tom said, I'm noticing that I'm having an urge right now.

helps you gather information [: 00:10:00

It turns every urge into an opportunity to learn rather than a reason to beat yourself up.

And here's the kicker, when you observe without judgment, you're way more likely to respond in a way that aligns with your values instead of reacting based on shame. It creates a space where you can make a conscious choice, one that serves your long term goals instead of your short term urges.

So how do you actually practice this? I think this is really important and I think if you're taking notes, this is the moment when you want to start writing some things down.

Here's the challenge I want to throw at you this week. Try noticing without fixing. So for the next seven days, whenever you catch yourself having an urge, a negative thought, or even just a strong emotion, practice just noticing without jumping in to fix it.

And you can even say to yourself, I'm noticing that I feel anxious, or I'm noticing that I have an urge to look at pornography. Don't add any judgment. Just let it be. And if you catch yourself judging, that's totally okay. You can even notice that as well. So say, "I'm noticing that I'm judging myself right now for feeling this."

Treat it like you're a scientist. Just start taking notes, be objective, be curious, and engage in this without any need to change things right away.

This exercise might feel weird or even frustrating at first, but stick with it.

Zach Spafford: You're probably going to be surprised at how much clarity and freedom it brings. By the end of the week, I think you'll start to see just how powerful observation without judgment can be.

All right, as we wrap up today's episode, let's take a moment to pull everything together. We started by exploring the observer effect and how simple, how the simple act of observing something can change it.

And in physics, this applies to particles, but in our lives, this really applies directly to our thoughts, our urges, and our behaviors.

And we talked about the power of self observation without judgment, and how practicing NAB can help you create that, that crucial pause between feeling an urge and reacting to it.

This pause is where your power lies. This, this is the space that allows you to choose actions that align with your values instead of just reacting based on old habits.

We also covered a difference between observation and judgment.

While observation helps us learn and make changes, judgment keeps us stuck in that cycle of shame and avoidance.

That's why making the simple shift from judging to just noticing can have such a profound effect on your ability to break unwanted habits, including pornography use.

All of this only works if you're willing to engage in self compassion. It's not about pretending you don't have flaws, and it definitely is not about beating yourself up for them. It's about recognizing that you're a human, that change takes time, and that you're worthy of kindness, especially from yourself.

So here's my challenge for this week. Practice noticing without fixing. When that urge hits or when you catch yourself in a negative thought, try the NAB method. Notice, allow, breathe, and just see what happens.

Instead of jumping in and trying to fix that. urge or judge it, just observe and breathe. And if you catch yourself judging, no worries, just notice that too. And practice a little self compassion. Something as simple as saying, "I'm noticed that I'm judging myself right now, and that's okay. I'm learning" can make all the difference.

In the next episode, we're going to dive deeper into the power of radical self honesty. So if you're ready to get better at seeing yourself a little bit more clearly, you don't want to miss that. If today's episode resonated with you, please take a moment and leave a review or you know, share it with somebody who could use this message.

And if you're looking for more personalized help, head over to GetToThrive.com/workwiththrive and set up a free consultation.

Remember, the power to change isn't about making every urge or uncomfortable thought disappear. It's about what you do when they show up.

Observation creates space, and in that space, you get to decide who you want to be. Thanks for listening, keep observing, keep leaning in, and as always, keep thriving beyond pornography. I'll see you next week.